A page from the Book of Madness

Time for a cool change

2007-03-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

I can't believe its 2007 already! Time really seems to pass by quickly, especially when you work in Citi. haha. If you do want to know, yes, work is all I've been doing for the last year and a half. I'm not doing bad...but I know I could do a lot better too. I just can't seem to find the right motivation. The bad thing about it is, I didn't really have any thing else to think about for the last few months, well, aside from school that is. Between work, school and WD (watching and downloading vidz), there really isn't much time for anything else. I guess that's the irony of my life now: no time but not doing anything. Maybe nothing substantial.

I realize that I'm looking for some sort of direction, some kind of sign to get my life out of a flat line. Many would look to religion and spirituality for answers. I think most people are misguided by their own perceptions of religion that they're really not understanding what they're actually getting into...which is what happened to me. And because of that, I'm quite jaded with plurality of religions out there. I've come to believe that it's how you handle your relationships with people that ultimately describes your spiritual and moral character. I know of some people out there who are so "holier than thou", like they think they're so good and everything, but treat the people who don't matter to them like shit. Quite blessed.

Now, some people have hobbies to keep them occupied. I have a lot of friends who are doing something in their spare time. Working out. Running. Diving. Frisbee. I'd really love to get into some sort of activity, but I've had a sedentary life since I graduated from college, and I feel like I'm not fit enough to do all those things anymore (and to think I'm turning 25 soon). I would like to do photography, but I have to get myself a decent camera first. Not just one of those point-and-click types, I want an SLR-type of camera for the more professional looking shots. But until I have the will to actually save up for one, I don't think this is gonna be happening anytime soon. One hobby which I would really like to do is watch movies...yes, watch movies. I love watching movies, especially the artsy types. Problem is, I should be doing something that gets me off my ass, and not keep me on it.

I have done quite a lot of charity-type work too. In high school, I went on a couple of trips to nearby public schools to teach some kids. I also went to work missions in some provincial areas outside of Manila. We'd sleep over somewhere, say like a farm school in Batangas, paint walls and put plastic covers on their dilapidated books. One summer, I even went on a work camp where we trekked to a solitary island between Bicol and Samar for 2 weeks doing manual labor and teaching Math and English. It was fun, good fun actually, but somehow, I don't feel that spirit of charity anymore. Maybe it's because of the stress of work, or just my laziness, but like I said, I don't have the motivation to do those things. At the moment, I feel like I can hardly care less for all that crap.

I'm sure you're getting the feeling that I'm a pessimist. I'm actually an optimist, if you would care to believe. I always look at the bright side of things. But would it be my fault if things are a bit dim these days?

I dunno. You tell me, what am I lacking? Is there something I'm missing? People would say that I'm going through what they call a "quarter-life crisis". Hey, I'm turning 25 in a few months, and I expect to live to 75, so this is really a 'third-life crisis'. I'm not saying that my first 24 years have amounted to nothing. But somehow, I feel like I'm not yet doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I really don't have any idea what that may be. Perhaps I should change jobs. Change religion or be religious (yes, those are two separate things). Have a family. Base jumping. Sailing boats. Join a terrorist group. I don't know. Only thing I know is that there is change involved, whether I like it or not.

If you've read previous posts here, you would have picked up that this is a recurring theme. I'm starting to think that maybe, I want to be in this situation, albeit subconsciously. I was telling a friend recently that my life has been really quiet and boring for quite a while now. It was a different story a few years ago. I was an ass. I was a 'player'. I was some upstart kid high on hormones (and not to mention a host of illegal substances). The question is, weren't we all?

I've really mellowed out since doing my time in this country's educational system. I realize now that I'm not an ass (most of the time). I'm not a player (I played baseball...). I'm not a kid anymore. I've turned out to be a responsible young man, capable of moving up in the world. But I do admit that I miss the excitement of getting into trouble, getting in way over my head. There is an absurd satisfaction in feeling sheer terror for something that you and your friends did (which was often when I was a kid), and then coming through it, sometimes not entirely unscathed. I was involved in my share of dramas and incidents (a bit too much to mention). So maybe my situation now isn't too bad. Living without the feeling of some burden on your shoulders maybe is my reward for keeping myself out of trouble these days.

But hey, that's life. You don't grow up without getting involved in some shit one way or another. That's when I realized that I can't please everyone, that sometimes people don't like you just because. Am I affected? Nah, not really. You can have your own damn opinions and not have to apologize for it. I don't like some people just because too. Am I bad because of it? Hell no. Should it affect that other person? Better not. We must admit though that there are more than a few out there who are so affected by what other people think about them, or that they can't let go of whenever they are slighted one way or another. I think these people suck. Why should they let their lives be defined by what people think or say about them, or what someone else did to them? Yes, there are times when one may feel bad about this or that, but people who allow this to happen clearly have little or no confidence and respect for themselves. This is just sad.

Everything all boils down to change. My situation is clearly nothing to celebrate. But I'd like to think I'm doing well enough. Maybe right now, I don't see the big picture, but I'm hopefully moving in that direction. Sometimes, you can't be too sure with your perspective of movement. Sometimes you can be moving, other times it's everything around you that's moving. With everything slowing down around me, maybe I should be the one picking up the pace. I went jogging before dinner today, and it felt great. I think I'll continue on jogging, trying to stay healthy, and hopefully, the rest of my world will follow suit. Perhaps then, in a few months, I'll realize that i just took my first step to change when I decided to go on a little run today.

Wake up and smell the napalm.

2007-03-08T11:21:00.000+08:00

Shit.

It's another God-awful morning.

Another 14 hours or so of donkeys hee-hawing...can't wait to go back to sleep. Somehow, each waking moment is like a stroll down the gates of hell. I am helpless in the face of my corporate slavery. Each day feels like an unending trip down an infinitely long carwash...but instead of cleaning aids, there are dripping pens, sheets of paper-cut ready print outs, flickering lights and more than enough emails to choke an elephant. I stand there, on a slow moving conveyor belt, letting all of these nasty implements rain down on me. However, I am not alone. I see others around me, sharing that pained and oblivious look. It is clear they suffer in their own personal hells. But not everyone here is a victim; there are few not of my people.

Demons in corporate wear abound, cruel and unyielding. Sometimes, I cower in fear hearing the laughter of a crazed succubus hidden nearby. Tucked under the pylons, ready to suck the life right out of me. There is also Pan, demon god of fear, father of goats. Terribly moody, one cannot fathom the depths of his madness. And in his eyes, there lies true fear. Pan-ic, as they used to call it. In the darkness, there are many others lurking. Watching. Waiting. Once you fall, they will rip you apart without hesitation. Dark shadows, moaning for you to come and join them in their grief. I cannot imagine what nightmares exist beyond the darkness.

But what makes the fires of hell so cold that it freezes to the touch, is the mental torture that I willingly follow this dark path to oblivion. Can I believe that this is not the rest of my life? The social constructs of power, wealth and reputation drive this unforgiving world, and often, we are left gasping at how far we still have to go, and the realization that maybe, we will never make it through.

Will I?

Can i still ask Charon to bring me back?

Wouldn't it be nice to blow it all up?

Yes. Yes it would.

It would be nice to wake up and smell the napalm.

I welcome myself back to the world of blogging.

Return of the Come Back!!!

2007-02-21T01:53:00.000+08:00

Due to incessant demand...the Book of Madness is back! Coming soon...more thoughts of the Mad Man...keep posted!

Year of the DOGG!!!

2006-02-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

Wow, I can't believe it...it's 2006 already! Things seem to have been going a bit fast as of late (like 5x FF on a DVD player). As i've written previously, I have a good feeling for this year, and things do look like they're looking up. I'm sorta liking my new job, things have been steady at home, and starting to get my groove back again. I'm on the up and up right now, so hopefully, this continues on for a good while.

Well, for those who don't already know, I just started in Citibank a month and a half ago. I'm working in a company called CBS-ASIA...it's basically a BPO of Citigroup. I'm in the ERecon team (Electronic Reconciliation). I guess I could describe my work as something like a webmaster or a systems administrator, more into database management. It's actually easy compared to what I used to do in Thomson, but there's just a bit more work involved and I speak to my clients on a regular basis. Well, there's actually a LOT more of work involved really, but i think that's what I'm looking for anyway. Recently, I've been working like an ass! (you know, like a donkey, or a mule...i forget...oh yeah, for those who don't know, the difference with a donkey and a mule is that a mule is a crossbreed between a horse and donkey, and is usually sterile. So I guess i've been working like a "donkey" since I'm definitely not sterile.) I spend an average of 12 hours at work daily, and i've already had 20 hour days a few times already a month and a half in! Yeah, yeah, that's crazy but, hey, it pays well haha.

There have been a few developments recently. My roommate is heading to the States around April. He got a job there...so I guess I'm going solo flight now, until I find a new roomie. I'm actually considering going back home to Alabang though, not only because of my roommate leaving, but also because my brothers have moved out of the house as well...so there's no one home except my parents. I bet it's a little rough on them not having their kids around anymore, so maybe I should stay with them for a little while. (Not to mention that I won't have to be paying for rent and stuff like that. Freebie city!) It's one of the options i'm thinking about right now. But the idea of living alone sounds good too! (yeah, maybe i'll ask my parents to help me out with my rent a bit hehe) I wonder how it really feels like to be the master of your own domain, albeit, a studio size domain. But hey, it's still gonna be all mine right? haha! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Hell, I can even do jumping jacks in my birthday suit for all I care. Well, I'm pretty sure having my own place will be fun. Pure unadulterated fun.

On the health side, I've been mulling about getting a gym membership. I can't forget being 160lbs only about a year and a half ago, and with the way i've been chomping down on food since the Xmas season, I think I'm well on my way to going back there. Actually, I'm not fat...i'm still skinny (but not like before though!), but I just want to get into shape. I've been away from competitive organized sports for two years already, and I'm feeling rather unhealthy. But I'm finding it hard to take the first step in getting into shape. Although I've gone through it last year when I did a lot of exercise and dieting to lose some weight (I lost 25 pounds in a year!), it feels like i'm starting like new once again, and Jesus H Christ, I'm so tamad. I need a little push...someone push me, please?

The year of the D-O-'Double G' is my year. I'm 23, in the prime of my life, and I'm raring to storm out of the gates. I think this year's is gonna be an interesting one. I just hope I could stay away from trouble, and hope that it doesn't find me too. I'd hate to disappoint my peers.

AXN Mall Challenge!

2005-12-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

It was during an uneventful meal all by my lonesome last Sunday that I received an unexpected phone call. It was from AXN inviting me to join the AXN Amazing Mall Challenge! I was obviously stunned. My ex-officemate Ryan had the weird idea of trying out for it, so I decided to tag along, thinking that there was no chance in hell that we were going to get picked. I guess there was still more than enough room in hell, since we both got the call last weekend.

I was nervous the whole week. I definitely watch AXN shows like Fear Factor, Survivor and the Amazing Race, so I had an inkling to what kind of challanges we would have. I dreaded the possibility of stuffing some gelatenous, worm puree down my throat. I was telling Ryan that if there were any eating challenges, he would have to duke it out alone. Haha.

The competition was to be held in Gateway Mall and Tiendesitas, so Ryan and I met up some time before the registration so that we could scope out the mall first, and try to get our bearings. During registration, we had to leave behind all our belongings save for my cellphone, for emergency purposes. There was a total of 31 teams, a good mix of people. Ryan and I were Team Bahag Hari, which translates literally as the G-String Lord. It was a bit agonizing waiting around for the challenge to start. I was trying to anticipate what kind of tasks lay ahead, but i really had no idea what lay ahead of us. So before things started, there was a short briefing on some rules and guidlines for the challenge. I could feel the excitement in the air, and when the go signal was given, it was instant mayhem.

Task 1: We were given the first 3 clues at the start of the race. The first task had us go to the cinemas. Apparently, we were supposed to retrieve a red envelope in one empty cinema. There was a lot of pushing, shoving, and some shouting while we were trying to get in and out of the cinema, as everyone was jockying for position. I really thought that was a classic example of a an age-old Pinoy quality. Don't you just love how we Filipinos display that "palengke" rudeness that we are so fond of?

Task 2: After getting through the first task, we hurried to the Oasis, an indoor garden in the center of the mall. The task was for one member of the team to memorize a poem inside and dictate it to the other teammate outside. And since there was only one entrance which we had access to, another bout of shoving and screaming matches ensued. While waiting for Ryan to come out and dictate the poem, I met Jane, one of the other contestants. We were both wondering why there was no Clue 3 in our initial set of clues, and it seemed like everyone else didn't either. So we struck up an alliance ala Amazing Race. I also met her partner Bianca a bit later, and the two managed to get on ahead of us.

Task 4: Without a Clue 3, we went on to Task 4, which had us go to Timezone near the cinemas again. The challenge required us to score a point in air hockey against a big, and burly individual. If you lost the point, you had to go to the back of the line and try again. We arrived just as Jane missed on her 1st attempt. I wanted to take this challenge on, since I was a master at air hockey. Needless to say, I scored a point on my second whack at the puck, and Team Bahag Hari rolled on to the next challenge.

Task 5: The 5th clue had us run down to the big xmas tree at the ground floor of the mall. When we got there, all we had to do was pick up a red xmas ball decoration and give it to someone to retrieve the next clue. And so we moved on to the next task.

Task 6: We headed back up to the cinemas to the Samsung station, where we line up to take our turn. Jane and Bianca met up with us there. As we were waiting, we were told that we couldn't push through with our challenge until we completed the 3rd task, of which we had no clue! So both of our teams were trying to figure out what it was, so we turned back and decided to go back to the starting point.

Task 3: At the starting point, there apparently was a Sun Cellular promotional table that we were supposed to get the 3rd clue. And to my dismay, our 3rd task had us sell two Sun Cellular prepaid kits and two Daylight Savings reloads for a total amount of 450. We weren't allowed to have any money, so this meant that we would have to scoure the mall for people gullible enough to give us money. And that we did. Pretty well, I might add. We were able to get a 100 peso solicitation from a group of older looking people near Taco Bell. I was able to mesmerize a group of adolescent girls in the food court, and one of them gave me 200 pesos right out of her wallet, to the amazement of her friends. We even had to convince her to take a reload card just so we wouldn't feel bad having her leave empty handed. Ryan on the other hand managed to scrounge up 20 pesos, and then targeted a pair of homosexuals. Since we only gave away one reload card at this point, we could afford to sell all our stuff for bottom feeder prices (actually backdoor entry prices in this situation). So we worked those gay guys pretty well. I think one of them was quite smitten by Ryan, and promised to give us 130 (the amount we needed) if we promised to take them out on dates. We were fortunate that they were only kidding, but I bet they wanted us bad, since one of them even slapped Ryan on the ass. With 450 pesos in tow, we went back to the station to get our next clue.

It just want to mention how frustrated I was with a trio of matronas who were so stingy with us while we were trying to raise the 450. I spent about 5 minutes giving them my best sales talk, and all they had to give me was one peso. Oh, how they laughed, looking so amused. I definitely wasn't amused myself. I asked her to give me more, and she decided to double it, giving me another peso. Then her kumare also pitched in with 2 pesos each for Ryan and I. So we had a grand total of 6 pesos from that trio. I decided to cut our losses and look for someone else. We left as they beamed at each other thinking how witty and funny they were, not knowing I was stabbing their beady, little, black hearts with smoldering fire-brands.

Task 6 (again): The next clue had us headed straight back to the Samsung Station, where we had to wait in line again. Jane and Biance soon followed suit. On the way to this station, we caught each other in the rush. They apparently undersold their Sun Cellular kits, so we gave them the spare kit that we had. With that, they were able to make quota and come in just behind us for the next task. This station was fairly easy. All we had to do was play the right dvd with the Samsung Id on a home theater set up. We learned that the lead teams were about 30 minutes in front by this time, so we hurried out of the area while I read the next clue.

Task 7: We headed out of the mall to Dencio's and Rasa for the following challenge. After unlocking a box for the clue, each pair had to be separated so that both teammates can complete individual tasks. I opted to take the challenge at Tiendesitas, while Ryan went ahead for a wild adventure at Farmer's Market.

Jane and I ended up together in the line that cued up for the trip to Tiendesitas. The trip there was exhilirating, as we had to hold on for our dear lives on the backs of hardcore big-bike riders. I was fortunate enough to ride a Ducati and BMW big bikes! Those babies cost more than one million pesos each! We were zig-zagging through traffic (it was deadlocked in the Katipunan interchange), going through the wrong side of the street and speeding away on the flyovers! When we got there, we discovered that the next task had us take a leisurely ride on a horse drawn carriage, or a "kalesa." The ride was short and uneventful for the most part, and we got through it without a hitch.

Jumping off the kalesa, the next clue read: "A Hut with an Italian Specialty." Jane and I figured that it was probably an Italian stall in Tiendesitas, so we scurried around the shopping village for that blasted hut. We spent 20 minutes running around like headless chickens in frustration, until a marshall told us that we had to head back to the mall. We both thought that we were done for. Game Over. So we headed back to Gateway to meet up with our partners.

Clue 8 & 9: While I was off to Tiendesitas, Ryan had two tasks to accomplish. First he had to pick out the right ingredients for a dish, have it cooked, and then have someone else eat it for you. He told me later on that this was a really tough challenge. Just the thought of Farmer's Market gives me an idea how hard that task really was. After picking up the next clue, Ryan had to run to Taco Bell to have out stamp signed, and then on to meet up with me later on to finish the race.

Clue 10: As I arrived back at the mall, Jane and I split up to go find our own partners. Ryan and I miraculously saw found each other at the escalator. We both filled in each other of what we did during our separate tasks. I told him that I thought I had missed a task in Tiendesitas, of which the clue was the Hut with the Italian specialty. Ryan then told me that the next station was to go to Pizza Hut. Then it hit me right there. Jane and I spent 20 long minutes running around for nothing, when we should have just headed straight back to Gateway after the Kalesa ride. I was so frustrated with myself for not thinking of that, but at this, there was really little I could do.

So we dashed to the Pizza Hut at the food court, where a few teams had log jammed, including Jane and Bianca. The next task apparently was to make your own pizza and eat it all. I really thought this was the perfect challenge for us since it was already late afternoon and we hadn't eaten lunch yet. So we were given plain dough, and I proceeded to prepare the pizza as per the instructions. While waiting for our pizza to cook, we learned that we were about 5th place, and knowing that we had an outside shot for a place pumped me up with a second wind. The freshly cooked pizza arrived just in time, and we wasted no time gorging on it. I even scalded my palate in the process because it was still hot off the oven! I had to eat about 3/4ths of the pizza since Ryan was having trouble at it. I swear, I had so much pizza in my mouth that there was hardly any space to chew. So I had to drink water to loosen it up, but after chewing, the pizza becomes just a thick, pulpy mass in your mouth, and that did not taste and feel particularly good. Good god, I could only imagine regurgitating partially digested pizza all over the floor on cable-tv. It's a good thing I had the intestinal fortitude to keep my food down.

Clue 11: After the hearty meal, Ryan and I rushed to Fully Booked, where our task was to find a CSI paperback book. I thought this would be another easy challange, but prooved to be more difficult than it seemed. We were running around looking for that blasted book, and we lost some ground to the other competitors. One of my teachers in college who was also a contestant (and the eventual 3rd placer), got through the challenge quickly. Even the Team Pink (Jane and Bianca - editors for Pink Mag) hurdled through us in a flash. Ryan managed to spy some sales ladies covering their tracks as they returned the books, so we were able to move on to the next task.

Clue 12: Ryan and I then found ourselves in DIY (Do-It-Yourself)for the next, and last task. The challenge was to assemble our own little cabinet. I knew we would have a tough time for this task, since I had very little carpentry experience, and neither did Ryan. So I picked up the cabinet kit and our tools and we soon got to work. We had a hard time figuring out which was which because we didn't notice until we were half-done that there was a sample cabinet that we should follow. We discovered that we had things on backwards, so we had to disassemble the cabinet. It seemed that each time we thought we had things down pat, we end up finding out that we had one thing or another on the wrong way! We had to disassemble the cabinet about 3 times before we actually had the finish product, and we lost major ground in the final task. Even Jane and Bianca did a better job than we did, but that didn't feel too bad since they were both cute anyway. With our cabinet finally done, we headed back to the staging area for the finish line. I guess the last challenge just goes to prove that neither Ryan nor myself have any carpentry skills whatsoever.

Team Pink finished 7th, so I think we finished around 9th. I think that was pretty decent, considering there were 31 teams in all. What hurt though was the fact that up to the last two tasks, we were ahead of the pair of Ateneo teachers who won third place. We really had a shot at winning a place, but I guess lady luck did not turn our way. The eventual winners were the actor Epi Quizon and some girl he was with. I really thought this was a let down. Of course, being an artista, he had an easier job with some tasks, and I think that gave them a leg up on the rest of us. They finished way in front of everyone else. Second went to a father-daughter team, and third went to a pair of Ateneo teachers.

As we sat with the other exhausted competitors, I felt so tired and drained by the whole experience. Ryan and I agreed that although the mall challenge was mega stressful and tiring, we had such a blast. My partner and I had breakfast in Mcdo that morning, and we were laughing half the time about what we had gotten ourselves into. We were only kidding around when we joined, and we were taken aback when we got the call. Now that it was all said and done, I really felt a certain sense of accomplishment knowing that I can compete and do well in these advanture races. Oftentimes, we see these things on tv, and we always think like, "Hey, I could do better than that guy." or "I would have done that this way." But it's really different when your actually participating. I'd say the whole experience was really fun and surreal, and somehow rewarding, even if we didn't win. The AXN Amazing Mall Challenge was something I definitely don't do everyday, and it was a good break from the monotony of corporate life.

There were refreshments served for the contestants at the Oasis, and at least for this task, we were there first. Ryan, Bianca, Jane and I shared a table and talked about our experiences during the challenge. After an exhausting day, it was great to sit around, have a bite and talk. Jane was the EIC of Pink Magazine, and Bianca worked for the mag too. They were invited as media participants. I think we were lucky to have struck an alliance with them since they had a lot of good inputs about each clue and challenge, and I guess we helped them out too. At least we were able to have a picture taken of our alliance. Cheers, guys!

After refreshments and the short chat, Ryan and I said our goodbyes and we both headed home. We were both going to the Xmas party of my former employer, and I was also looking forward to a hot bath. I took the MRT back to my pad in Makati still wearing my AXN t-shirt. I bet I looked a little out of place wearing hawaiian shorts and rubber shoes, but I wouldn't have cared less at that point. It was a fun and exciting day, and there was still a party to go to. I could wish for nothing more than a cold beer and some hotel food!

I thoroughly enjoyed my AXN Amazing Mall Challenge experience, and I wouldn't mind joining it again! According to the organizer, this was just the first of many. I heard that there was going to be an Asian Amazing Race sponsored by AXN, and you could be pretty sure that I'll be interested on taking that on too. So for Team Bahag Hari, this is Sanky signing off!

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Just an aside, but I have to write this down!!! I'm here in Netopia in Greenbelt 1, typing up this blog, when suddenly, fireworks started going off right behind us! I think Ayala Malls have fireworks set off every weekend, and this went off right on schedule. The guy beside me was so surprised by the unusually loud fireworks that he almost jumped out of his seat in shock! It's hard to describe, but he looked a lot like Wily Cayote when Roadrunner surprises him from behind! I swear, it looked so gay! After recovering from his initial shock, he straightened himself up, and went back to his business. But I saw him sneek a peek at me, probably to check if I was laughing at him or something. Knowing that he would do that, I just put on my best poker face. I was still laughing so hard in my head that I was just typing about 10 lines of gibberish as I tried to keep a straight face while this guy was spying my reaction. It's been 5 minutes since this incident and I still can't stop laughing...at least he's not watching me anymore! Laughtrip, sobra!

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Little Angel

2005-12-11T18:44:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, I had to run a couple of errands. I had a few more stuff to take care of for my requirements for my entry to Citibank. So I mozied along to the nearest photocopier, this sari-sari store just outside my village, called Katchicos. While waiting for my photocopies, I had a quick smoke outside. Just as I sat down on an empty seat, this sweet-smiling girl happened to pass by. She didn't look like she had anything important to do, so she smiled and sat beside me. She was a small girl, dark, with straight hair about chin length. Her clothes were a little tattered, possibly hand-me-downs, and she didn't look like she was fresh from the shower either.

After a few puffs of my cig, she giggles and asks, "Pahingi po ng piso?" I did have some loose change, and wasn't too thrilled about lugging it around, especially since I didn't have any pockets. So I gamely gave her a coin. She smiled and thanked me. At this moment, a man passed by who happened to know her, and greeted her advanced happy birthday. Apparently, her birthday was on Sunday. So I decided to strike up a conversation. She didn't have school that day because it was their barangay fiesta, and she was killing time by the store as she waited for her brother. I don't remember what she said exactly, but what I gather is that her brother worked as a tricycle driver or a vendor of a food stand in the area.

There was a slight pause, then she asked, grinning, "Nandito ba po kayo sa Pasko?"OO naman, I replied. Bakit? Then she smiled sheepishly. Then I realized what she meant, and said, Ikaw ha, naghahanap ka ng pamasko noh? She grinned and nodded timidly. I had heard this act countless of times before, but I felt the compulsion to give her at least a little something, it was her birthday on Sunday, after all. It was about time for me to head to the barangay office anyway, so I decided to give her a 20. Ayan, bumili ka ng ice cream ha? Pambertday mo na to. Her eyes just lit up and thanked me shyly. Then I said, Aral ka ng mabuti ha? Para makakuha ka ng trabaho na maganda. Wag mo lang kalimutan i-enjoy yung pagka-grade 4 mo. As I walked up the flight of stairs to the barangay office above, I could see her smiling ear to ear with a crisp 20, trying to figure out what to do with her new found wealth. What a sweet girl.

I did not see her as I left that day, but I went back there again just a while ago to do some more photocopying. I had my i-Pod with me, and I had my big ass Sennheiser (I forgot how to spell it) headphone on. Just after doing my business, I had another smoke at the same spot 2 days earlier. I scanned the area quickly, hoping that maybe the little girl would show up again. Lo and behold, she came prancing around with two boys, one around 8 and another maybe 4. They looked more worse for wear than the girl did, and they both had their heads shaved. I couldn't help but remember those Little Shaolin movies, because these kids had bald spots at the top of their little heads.

As the girl came closer, she recognized me instantly, and came over to say hi, with her little buddies in tow. I said hello too, and asked them if they wanted some Mentos (I always smoke while chewing mints). They quickly replied the affirmative. So I pulled out 3 mints for them, and they looked like they were enjoying the free treat, except maybe the little boy, who i guess found it too strong for his taste, as he spit out a half-eaten mint when he thought I wasn't looking. I asked for their names. The girl's name was Nineng. The older boy was Abo, and the little one was Bugoy. I wouldn't have guessed they would have names like that. I found it particularly funny for a kid a little older than 3 named Bugoy.

Nineng was really interested about my gadgets, and she wanted to try it out. So I gingerly put my earphones on her, and played some tunes on my i-Shuffle. She was shocked at how loud it was, despite all road noise in the area. She marveled at what she might think to be space-age technology, and was gamely laughing. Bugoy, as any little boy would, started trying to poke at my Shuffle, and I warned him not to touch it. He just looked at me blankly and started poking at it again. Nineng then scolded little Bugoy, and so he decided poking around wasn't worth it. All this time, Abo was sitting under the table where I had my stuff on, trying to annoy the other two. I had the two boys listen to my sounds afterwards, and they were delighted.

It was about time for me to go, so I stood up and bade the kids goodbye. Nineng again asked sheepishly If I could spare her some change. I didn't want to think that being a charity case would always get her something from me, so I replied that I didn't bring any money, but I would give them another round of mentos if she wanted. Only Nineng had one more, the two kids were already looking elsewhere for amusement.

Aral ka ng mabuti Nineng, ok? I said. "Opo!" she quickly replied. As I backed my car out of the parkng slot, she was enthusiastically waving me goodbye. I waved back, and went on my way. That was cute.

Moments like that are treasures unto themselves. I believe we all have moments that draw us back to reality, or at least to more important issues other than our own lives. I really wish I could do something for Nineng. She seems like a very charming and smart girl. I told myself on the way home that I would seek her out one day and give her a little help, education wise or maybe even financially. It was heart warming to see a genuine and sincere appreciation of the things that you do, and for me, that was a million times better than the 21 pesos and 2 mentos that I gave her. I do hope I see her around again.

My Last Day in Thomson

2005-12-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

I was hired by Thomson on June 7, 2004. Exactly one and a half years later, I served my last day of work on Wednesday, December 7, 2005. As much as I tried to play cool and composed that last day, actually for the last week or so, I really felt strongly about the team and the people I was leaving behind. I knew it would take a great effort not to flood into tears when the time came.

I woke up early last wednesday, feeling a little giddy. Maybe it was because my last day in Thomson, or maybe because i smoked a few sticks as soon as i opened my eyes, but deep down, i knew that this will be a very emotional for me. It honestly felt like graduation day...where you're so looking forward to getting through with it, and yet there's a great sense of loss and sorrow for moving from your alma mater's hallowed halls.

A few days before, I had already started packing up stuff from my ped and workstation. Removing pictures from the walls. Sorting out usefull files. Setting aside random objects of sentimental value. It was tough work. I even started going through my computer, deleting useless files, and trying to figure out where to put all the pictures and videos of the team, since I was also the team videographer, among others. At that point, it felt a little weird because while my teammates around me were busy with work, here I was staring into nothingness for minutes at a time. It seemed everything I held, or everywhere i looked, I had flashes of memories. Of course, I couldn't help but be sad, and I didn't want to burden my officemates with that, so I just kind of pulled myself in.

When I arrived at the office, I was the first one in for our part of the floor. It was deafly quiet. In a matter of hours, the area would be humming with activity, people scurrying to and from their printers, a few laughs at strange forms of comedy, and hushed words of the latest chismis, showbiz or Thomson-related. Before all that, I just took the time to digest my moment of peace. A few minutes later, I met up with a few people from EST and had breakfast. Jan, a goodfriend from highschool and college and also works in Thomson, was there too. We talked about how uncanny it was that we started out in the same company, much less in the same group. We both agreed that this was a long time coming, and time was right for me to move on. Just as I had said on my previous post, this seems to be written on the stars.

The whole day was set aside to finish my clearance, and clean out what little stuff i had left. Of course, I played one last game of Dota with the Thomson Dota Community. Wow, I can't believe I played that game almost everyday for the better part f six months. It was nice to hear them all saying their byes and dedicating the day's game for me. And to think I don't even know more than half of these people. It's funny, because later in the afternoon, on the way to another floor to continue my clearance, this guy, who I'm certain was the teammate of a friend of mine, suddenly catches me in the elevator. He started saying the he just found out that I resigned and was asking where I was moving to. You know, small talk. So we basically had a 5 minute conversation of this and that, and the whole time, I was like, "Who the hell is this guy?! I don't even know his friggin name?!!?" But apparently he knew mine. That was embarrassing. Before it dragged on for another 5 minutes, I begged off and proceeded with my clearance. "Sige, dude, una na ako tsong! Kita-kits nalang pre." Notice how I used 3rd person nouns to substitute for his name. Quite nifty, eh?

My teammates and I went to lunch in Amici, in Don Bosco. It's this quaint and unassuming restaurant run by the Bosconian priests as a front for their cooking school. In my opinion, they have most authentic Italian tastes in all of the Italian restaurants I've eaten. We had a feast of thin-crust pizza, a varied array of pastas and a pick of the most scrupmtuous gelatto as finale. I was not as participative in the conversations as I always was. I just wanted to the company of my teammates, see them in action, crack jokes and laugh. Of course, talk went to the topic of the day, and we would all make wisecracks about my resignation, but there was always a tinge of sadness in every punchline.

When we got back to the office, I continued on with my packing. Some of my teammates came and hovered around my workstation, like vultures lurking for their next meal. I was in charge of the team's supplies from Day 1, and a few of them were ready to have at the spoils. I found that funny, as they were literally bargaining for the last available gel pen. My teammate Anna even joked about me leaving her a jacket or two, since she survived the sub-zero Thomson temperatures through my healthy staple of jackets and sweaters. I guess that was one of my other tasks for my team, I was the provider of warmth.

I also made sure the I had a few sticks with my yosi buddies before leaving. Among my team, Liezl and Ryan often had a smoke with me after lunch. I can remember so many different conversations and a wide range of emotions during our yosi breaks. Liezl is definitely one of my closest friends in Thomson; she was my "stage-mother", ate and confidant. She was real, never afraid of her emotions, and always willing to make sacrifices for her friends. Ryan on the other hand is a character, fo' shizzle. He's steady is as steady goes. You know, it's during those yosi breaks where you talk about the most random things, and it doesn't really matter what you're talking about, but you just enjoy the company. Let me tell you that the company was great indeed.

As the end of the day drew nearer, I already knew that we were going to have the customary 'surprise' party. Whenever someone has a birthday or some event, we always make up some excuse to have a meeting or have some bogus work-related gathering. This would be actually a prelude to a small celebration with the team. Of course, I knew they had something in mind. I pretty much figured they'd make me a scrap book or something. I psyched myself up as I received a email announcing a short meeting to discuss some announcements from our US counterparts. I knew where this was going.

We all crammed into a small room; all eyes were on me. I didn't like that feeling, being the center of attention. People who know me would think I would bask in that attention, but I actually feel uncomfortable because of it. So after a little introduction, my officemates unveiled a slideshow presentation dedicated to me. I sat in front of the computer, as my teammates sat behind me, and we all watched it together. You know, i wasn't too thrilled by the video...a good number of my pictures there were so unflattering! hahaha! But to be honest, I was deeply struck by what they had done. I think that was sweet of them to do something like that for me. As the picutes transitioned from one crazy picture to another, I sort of tuned out for a minute and had my own slideshow in my head. This had been going on for the past week, where I would remember random experiences with the team. I definitely think we had so much fun, and the slideshow playing in front of me was testament to that fact. It was just a little anti-climactic though because it seemed that the disk drive of the computer was on steroids, so the audio played faster than it should have, and it ended up sounding like chipmunks singing. Regardless, I think that was a very meaningful video.

Well after that, I was asked to make a speech. At this point, I was totally at a loss for words. In fact, I had already planned a speech for them, when the time came, but I guess I was lost in my emotions and just totally forgot it. I'm not good at memorizing anyway. So I stammered out my most sincere thanks and appreciation to my team for being there and having me as their friend. Then one by one, they each gave me a short message. At this point, a few of them were in tears. I was holding them back. I really think they expected me to cry. Maybe for them, it would be an affirmation of how deeply I felt for them, and would be a clear indication of how bad i'm feeling for leaving the team. But I really did not want to cry. I was more happy than sad. Happy because I felt that I made the right decision, that I completed all that I had to do, and happy that my good friends were here with me now. I was sad that I would wake up everyday seeing different faces thereafter, sad that I was leaving them all behind. But at that moment, they were all there; they weren't gone yet, so why cry?

It was really tough seeing some of them cry because of my departure. I hate making people cry. I always feel so guilty and sheepish. I guess I made quite an impression on some of them, and I can't blame them for that. They all stood around me, and i could see that it was tough on them too. It's a fact that seeing someone leave is a morale buster. I know a few people on my team are having second thoughts already, and seeing me go would probably be one more thing to think about. But most of all, they were saying goodbye to someone who had always taken the extra effort to get to know them, please them and serve them. You know, these are people that I've worked with, laughed with, bled with. I would like to think they felt as bad as I did too. I really wanted to apologize to them for deciding to leave. They kept saying that they knew that I'm happy with my decision to do so. That actually hurt a bit; it sounded like I was happy for leaving them. I hope they didn't misunderstand me; I was happy with my decision to leave, but not happy for leaving my team. Those two aren't mutually exclusive.

With our final goodbyes, we all filed out slowly back to our desks. There was a heavy feel to the air. Goodnatured jokes were being passed around. That didn't help me though from feeling like garbage though. I spoke to my manager and gave her some thoughts and feedback on the team and its current position. I guess the purpose of our talk was to let her know the importance of each one in the team, and to try and find ways to keep them motivated and interested with their work, which i believe is a very tall order. After, I collected the last of my things and bade goodbye to each one of the remaining people on the team. I made sure I gave a hug to each one. They deserved it. And so I logged off my computer, put together my belongings and passed my last round of goodbyes before heading down the elevator.

The way home was lonely. My roommate hadn't arrived yet, so I decided to wait. I was hungry, and desperate to talk to someone, so called him and we ended up meeting in Greenbelt and had an unsatisfying dinner in Tokyo Tokyo. Although he seemed rather uninterested about all the details, I felt marginally better with a load off my chest. At least during the next few days, I'm going to have a whole bunch of errands to do. Trying to sleep that night felt like a malting snake.

It's about 1:30am Sunday morning. I begin work at Citibank tomorrow at 8:30am. I'm really excited, but I'm sure wearing long sleeves, slacks and leathers shoes would not instantly feel right. Plus, afer orientation, my hours would be during the graveyard shift, and so I doubt I would easily adjust to it too. Right now, I wish I was still working in Thomson, so that Ill be comforted by the fact that I'll be goofing off with the team again tomorrow, instead of sitting through a boring orientation. I guess this is it then. The close of that chapter, and the beginning of a new one. I have so much to look forward to, and so much to look back to as well. I wouldn't mind having teammates like the ones I had in Thomson. Thanks guys, I owe you plenty.

FAREWELL!!!

2005-12-11T01:41:00.000+08:00

This was my farewell letter to the Private Equity Team, sent on 12/08/2005.

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Hello Private Equity Team,

I just want to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being my teammates, especially for being my friends. I'm sure i'm going to miss you all, and I hope you guys don't forget me too. Don't worry, i'll try to drop by from time to time. Anyway, just read on for a short note i'm writing to each one of you.

Sol: I hope our little chat yesterday helps you to guide the team to even greater successes. Goodluck!

Richie: Thanks for all your help and support, even if I fell asleep on you quite a few times during training. More power!
Lia: In my first email to the team to say hi, I think I forgot to add you on the list of recipients, but I'm sure I won't forget you now. Best wishes to Sofie and Enrico! Word.

Ana: Sana next time na magkita tayo, meron akong cinnamon roll. Laglag-P ka nun. Laglag Panga. HAHA! In your words, "loko-loko ka talaga." You're right.

Liezl: There will always be a beer for you in my heart. Thanks for all your (stage) motherly advice and goodluck on your studies! I know you will do well! You're one of the most down to earth people I know, and it's good that you bring me down to earth with you sometimes. I'll miss you! Ingatz! You know it!!!

Ryan: Dude, sana wag mong kalimutan ang mga pinagdaanan natin! I won't! Sa atin nalang yung mga palaging pinaguusapan natin tuwing lunch at yosi break ha? Bahala na sila ma-intrega! hahaha! Bro, goodluck na rin sa musical career mo! Keep in touch pare! PNC forever!!! (kaw na bahala kay Orig at mga iba pa ha?) Steady ka lang, pre.

Karene: Kaw ha, parati mo akong niloloko! Anyway, I hope you stay vibrant and sunny, because you make people smile. Thanks for making me smile too! Cheers to you!

Marco: Sorry Marco, pero ako talaga ang kumuha kay Batman. Nainggit kasi ako. [<= This is not true.] Hehehe. You're a man of many talents, so never give up on your dreams and aspirations. At first akala ko killer tahimik ka, pero killer ka pala humirit! You're the next Bill Gates. (actually, medyo kamukha mo na e.) JK! Final word: Follow your heart! Yihee!!!

Anna: I hope my jackets served you well. Lahat ata ng jacket at sweater ko, nasuot mo na! =) I won't forget the only person I know who orders a Burger Mcdo without any dressing. Stay sweet and charming always.

Maribeth: Tragkjn rdalowi fgfn woihg kfag. <= (Language Barrier) Don't worry, I won't fight you anymore! haha. You're wacky and comical, but that belies your beauty and charm. You're very strong willed and I know you will succeed in whatever you set your mind to. I'll let you know if I'll be going to Bacolod soon! See you around!
Take it E-Zay!

Patrice: Ey, text me whenever you're in Alabang ok? Thanks for your friendship and everything else. Show me around Bacolod if I go ok?!

Vincent: Dude, thanks for sharing the workstation with me. I hope you continue doing a good job for the team. Mag MVP for Deals next year ha? Update mo nalang ako kung may bago sa jayfaves ok? hehehehe... Ingatz!

Doy: Sayang we haven't had the chance to jam, sarap siguro pakinggan yung tunog natin with Ryan! Anyway, magabsent ka naman, lugi na Thomson sayo. hehe. Keep it steady bro!

Jefel: Abordz!!! I'll always remember all the fun we had in the dungeon and the few times we were all together. Since EST na rin ako, don't forget to invite me to EST lunch-outs ok? I know you'll be a very successful person, and I can't wait to see what color combination you put together for your next get up! haha!

Eric: Ey, don't forget to fight for your right to party ok? I hope that with you in the morning shift, you could bring the same energy and comic-relief that you give to EST. I also hope you are able to adjust quickly on your new timeslot, and avoid from taking those frequent "15 minute" breaks. jk!

Kuka: I know for a fact that you're doing a good job for US Dailies, and I hope you keep up the good work! Tutukan mo si Ghik, Nino and Chuy, kundi magagalit si Mama Liezl! JK!!! Remember, ang hula ni Gold ay: She's the one! Goodluck!

Ghik: It's too bad I didn't get to know you too much, I'm sure you're pretty cool too. So if ever I see you out, let's drink ok? heehee.

Chuy: "Pare, wala kayo sa mga tropa ko...!" Hehehe, nakakatawa ka talaga pag nakainom! Sa sunod, sabayan kita ha?! Sing me a little something as I go!

Nino: Dude, ang tangkad mo talaga. Pahingi naman ng 3 inches oh? Ingat lang sa mga chix ha, baka di na deals ang trinabaho mo sa gabi! =P

Raizel: If ever may mga plano ulit kayo mga EST mag outing, don't forget to invite me ok? Hehehe...keep up the good work for PAN! Btw, goodluck din with your photography, i think your shots are pretty good! See you around!

Paolo: Dude...ilang years na tayo magkasama...I'm sure this won't be the end! I've had so much fun with you in Ateneo, with baseball, and with PE. I'm pretty sure we'll still see each other around...maybe even in Prince of Jaipur again! hahaha. Btw, you still have my school ID, and I owe you a Php 100. It's funny though, I just found my transcripts at home! haha! Sige bro! Ingat and take care of the EST PE peeps!

Thanks again to everyone for investing their time in me. I'm sure it was well spent! I truly appreciate the friendship and camaraderie you have all generously provided. Don't hesitate to drop me a line or text me, I'm just a stone's throw away if you need me. You guys could always write me a testimonial in Friendster or something, if that's your trip.

So there you go. Goodluck to you guys, I wish you all the best "in your future endeavors". Farewell, may God bless you always, and remember: YOU KNOW IT!!!

your dear friend,

Sanky Daniel G. Quinto

Resignation Notice

2005-12-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

Please see announcement from Sol. Thanks

******************************

It is with regret that I announce the resignation of Sanky Quinto from the Private Equity team effective December 8, 2005.

Sanky joined the team last June 2004, initially as an Asian Research Analyst. However, when Portfolio Analysis work was migrated to Manila in September of the same year, Sanky was transferred to this newly-formed group after showing his potential as an achiever and his eagerness to learn more about the work. His enthusiasm and friendly attitude will surely be missed by the whole team.

Please join me in thanking Sanky for all his contributions to the team and in wishing him the best of luck in all his future endeavors.

Sol Flores
Research Manager - Private Equity
Thomson Venture Economics

Trial and Tribulation

2005-11-26T14:10:00.000+08:00

In a few short days, the brunt of the Christmas season will soon be upon us once again. Of course, I'm looking forward to the cold weather, the food, the wine, and seeing my old buddies. It's been a somewhat informal tradition between some of my close friends that we share a few bottles of wine sitting around on the curb in front of my house. But recently, with everyone coming and going for the holidays, I'm not sure if this will push through this year.

Well, speaking of the year, this year in particular has been one helluva ride. The first semester was really just working and being steady, but the second half ushered in a lot of changes. First, I got a place in Makati where I've been living for the last 5 months now. I'm rooming with a friend from highschool who also works in Makati. The place isn't very big nor gaudy, but I guess it suits us just fine. I also called it quits with my girlfriend with whom I've been with for more than 4 and a half years. The reasons were quite complicated, but simply put, there are just some things that just die a natural death, and this one did too. The most recent change I guess is my impending career move to Citibank from Thomson Financial.

My stay in Thomson was generally fun, but I never really had that feeling of success while working for the company. The atmosphere was very casual and easy going, and the people there were great. I can say that I met a lot of good people over there, especially in my team. I wish that a few of them could come with me to Citibank as well, but I think my manager would gut me like a fish. Anyway, I really wanted to move to Citibank because I wanted to work in a very demanding and rewarding company. As weird as it sounds, I want a job that works me to the bone, like the type where I have to work overtime, or even have the bad fortune of working 6 day weeks. When you put in so much time and effort on something, you get this feeling of achievement when the task is accomplished. You also enjoy that feeling of ownership for the job, that your responsible for the success or failure of your little piece of the company. I guess there's a definite ratio with the time and effort you put in and the reward and sense of achievement that you receive afterward. I really felt like a slacker while I was working in Thomson, so of course I could expect very little in terms of rewards and accomplishment. I also felt that my skills and ideas were not put to good use. I know I had a lot to contribute, I'm sure the people around me were aware of that, but the opportunities to do so was very few and far between. I don't have any regrets working there, in fact, I believe that I'm lucky to have started my career there. It was a very good transition from studying and working.

At this point, it's all really a matter of priorities. I wasn't making very much in Thomson. There were times I had trouble making ends meet, especially since I'm out on my own now. I was living a hand-to-mouth existence. Better compensation, and job with a lot of opportunities was what I was looking for. This new job with Citibank presented itself quite unexpectedly. Although I could have wished for better timing, I shouldn't let this opportunity pass. I signed the contract just last Thursday. My last day in Thomson would be on Dec 7, and I start in Citi on the 12th. Jeez, I wish I had a longer break, I would have loved to enjoy the holidays without being answerable to anyone, but hey, if it's there, it's there.

Am I excited? Yes of course! A friend of mine predicted through her tarot cards and palm-reading that I was going to be very successful in my new company. In fact, her reading of my cards emphasized on my immediate future of new beginnings, where a lot of opportunities will present itself. To be honest, even before she had read my fortune, I already had that feeling that the near future would be very accommodating. 2006 is the Chinese year of the Dog and it's my year! I seriously feel it in my bones. A lot of good things will come to me during the new year. With all the changes that have happened to me this year, I can say that I have broken ties with the things that have held me down, or have been holding me back. I am now primed for a solid leap forward. I know it's going to happen soon, and I can't wait to see things through. I think my life begins anew next year, and I am so ready to get on it and drive it all the way to the finish.

2005 has been a tough year, no doubt. I've been through a few major trials to get to this point, and I won't say that I got through them all unscathed. There have been things that have had to be sacrificed, people that have had to be left behind. With so much to look forward to, I just hope it's not all for naught.

My World is a Flood

2005-10-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

What a bummer. It's a Friday night, I'm all by my lonesome, writing this blog. What has my world come to? To make matters worse, I can't even seem to access my Yahoo Messenger...now I can't even find solace in knowing that I know other people in the same predicament that I'm in. I swear, the last few weeks have felt like as if the whole world has been conspiring against me.

Just last week, I lost my phone. After vain efforts in search of my damnable phone, I managed to have my line stopped and transferred to a new sim. But in the 12 or so hours that I was "phoneless," I literally felt disconnected from the world. I just realized how dependent we all are with our phones. I still remember in days past when cellphones were items of amazement and pagers were only for the high society. Things were seemingly more exciting back. When you get a girl's number, you couldn't just text and feel things through...you had to call the girl straight up. It's like stage when you jump into the 6 holes leading to Takeshi's Castle. You're going in blind. Sometimes you win, sometimes you end up with a dark hand mark on your face.

It's been such a hassle refilling my phonebook too. I messaged everyone on my yahoo and post a bulletin on friendster and my yahoo groups. Since i didn't change numbers, I guess the ones who had it didn't even bother sending in their numbers to me. So now my world seems more diminished than it was before my mishap.

At work, we were scheduled to have a lockdown of our database starting wednesday to friday. Lockdown means we can't edit our database, meaning no work! I woke up on Monday with a surprising motivation to work. That would sound quite shocking to my officemates...I'm sure they know how much motivation I have to work, or at least the lack thereof. I planned to go God-mode for Monday and Tuesday so I could get ahead on my deadlines. I got a ton of work done on Monday, but lo and behold, when I got to work on Tuesday, I received an email saying that the lockdown was in effect 5am that day. Shit. My plans are scuttled once more.

So I went to take a test in the Bank of Commerce on Thursday. It was at 830am, and I was dressed to kill, or at least to ace a test. But as I was sitting there filling up a dull application form in a crappy looking conference room/holding cell, I decided to just leave the fucking place. I couldn't see myself working in a bank, you know, wearing uniforms and calling every superior "Sir, Ma'am." Feeling quite dejected, I walked straight to McDo and got myself some breakfast, even though I wasn't hungry at all. It was depressing eating a solitary breakfast in a so-called 'happy place.' I kept thinking to myself how sarcastically funny it was to have dressed up in leather shoes and a tie just to eat in McDonald's, just like the way people like to dress up to drink coffee at Starbucks. After a quick meal, I headed straight back to my condo and smoked a quarter of a pack in succession. It was after my 5th stick that I realized that my ID was missing as I was combing for my cluttered necktie in my bag. Eternal Damnation. I smoked two more. Jesus H. Christ, it was such a lousy day, and it wasn't even past 10 yet. One more stick.

The rest of my day was really crappy after that morning. But I was floored by a crazy moment in the elevator on the way back home. When I got into the lift, there was a fairly old looking woman with me, and she was standing by floor buttons. Being nice, she said, "Don't worry hijo, we're going aff." (Like affirmative?!?) Living in the Philippines my whole life, I guess I'm sort of used to that. I neither had a smirk nor a smile. So she continues, "Anong floor kayo?" I quickly responded. "P." I was quite perplexed when she went on to press the 5th floor. Not minding the little screw up, I went ahead and pressed P. Seeing her mistake, she turns and says to me, "Ay, P...as in Penthouse pala. Akala ko kasi P as in Pifth." It was only when I stepped out of the elevator when I realized what a freakin' classic moment that was. I couldn't stop laughing for 15 mins. Alone. Smoking a few faggs.

That incident also reminded me of another while I was window shopping at Celio in Greenbelt. They had a loft in the store where they displayed some discounted items. I was looking for a good pair of jeans, but I just couldn't find the right fit. With some pair on hand, I went to the sales lady and asked her about the available cuts of pants in the store. "Miss, meron ba kayo yung fit na cut yung jeans?" "Ay, wala po dito, pero sa baba po, meron," she replied. Then I go, "Ah, talaga? Pwedeng bang makita?" And she answers, "Pwede po, pero regular fries sila." Confused, I ask, "Ano po?" Her response, "Regular fries po." And then BOOM, it struck me, it struck me hard. I had to hold up the pair of jeans I was holding between us, and act as if I was checking it out, as I stole a quick but horribly suppressed laugh.

*****************************

Today at work, I was going down to have an early smoke with the boys at work, and as I was mulling about my bag for my pack, I found my missing ID. I swear, either a dwende is playing tricks with me, or I'm more of a clutz than Homer Simpson, but I searched high and low in and out of my bag the day before and I just couldn't find it. I remember rifling through my bag at least 3 times that day. And now it just magically shows up. I as sure as hell would like to think I'm quite smarter than Homer, so maybe a dwende is having his way from with me. I remember joking around at work that I have a dwende living under my table named Dwendino. Well I guess Dwendino thinks it's funny to contribute to my misery.

So now it's the weekend, and i'm so looking forward to sleeping in for the next two days. I decided to buy an original set of Warcraft III so that I could play my new favorite game, DOTA, whenever I'm home. I swear, DOTA is so addicting! I've been playing strategy games since we had an old XT computer. I used to play games like Ancient Art of War at Sea, Wings of Fury, Battletech and old school Dragonlance and Forgotten Realms RPG's (I doubt anyone knows what I'm talking about). But I think the game that defined modern strategy games was Dune 2. Not a lot of people have actually played the game, but i believe it was the first of strategy format that we know today. Of course, Warcraft totally revolutionized the strategy format, and it's multiplayer off-shoot, DOTA, is probably half the reason why I'm still sane today. It's hard to explain the game to you, here on my blog, unless you've actually played it, so maybe i'll tell you about it next time. But Jesus H. Christ, were not for this stress buster, I would be climbing on the backs of my officemates. At work, I play DOTA around two hours a day. That's the probably the only thing I look forward to when I come to work (not discounting the chix, of course!).

Now I ask myself, what's there to look forward to next week? It's SSDD. Same Shit, Different Day (of Dreamcatcher fame). Wait, it's actually more like, SSDFD: Same Shit, Different Fucking Day. I guess I'll wait. I'll bide my time. I'm sure something will come up soon. It better.

Ateneo?! Fight!!!

2005-08-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, it’s UAAP season once more. Another season of spills and thrills. Another opportunity to prove one’s worth. Another chance for a taste of glory. But sadly, my tenure as an Ateneo athlete has long since passed. After graduating in 2004, I have moved on to the so-called “real world”, where one would have regular hours to follow, and the same mind numbing tasks to do everyday. Whereas back in the day, you’re first class for the day could start at 3 P.M and end at 4:30 P.M, then varsity practice for the rest of the afternoon. I wouldn’t say that my time with the Ateneo Baseball Varsity Team was a complete success, but in other ways, there were times that I had indeed felt like a champion.

I joined the Ateneo Baseball Team way back in 2000. I had no idea that the year I was joining the team, Ateneo had not won a baseball game in 9 years. In any sport, that was really horrible. Coming from a highschool team that represented Muntinlupa for the NCR Palaro, I felt a little apprehensive about joining a ‘losing’ team. Fast forward to the end of the year, and it was no surprise that we lost all ten games that season. That made the streak ten years. Imagine, ten games in one season, times ten years, and that makes a hundred losses! I couldn’t help but feel for all the Ateneo players within those ten years who did not have the good fortune to win even a single game in the UAAP. But that all changed the following season. We finally won one game against National University. That was the game that ended “The Streak.” It was a nail biter the whole game, and when the last out was caught, we all rushed onto the field and piled on top of each other in wild victory. At that moment, we all felt like we all had contributed to the win, that we had achieved something important, something that we could always look back at and be proud. And yet it was only one win; one win in ten games. But that does not change the fact that I felt our win that day was such a major accomplishment that it would merit the closing down of the school for a day and parade us around like the champions that we are. I played four years for the Ateneo Baseball Team, and finished with a record of 4-36. Not bad, in my opinion.

Being an Ateneo athlete definitely is a major sacrifice, but I think that’s what makes athletes different from regular students. Not only do we have the regular load of everyone else, but we must actually spend as much time, or even more, for practice and training than in studying. To be honest though, that’s something I don’t miss. Training was hard, and just imagine all the time I could have spent elsewhere rather than going to practice 3 times a week. That’s not even counting all the times I had to abstain going out on weekends because of our games. What’s even worse is practicing or competing a day before a long test or some other deadline. You can’t seem to concentrate on one activity, because you’re worried about the other. There definitely times where I thought being an athlete wasn’t worth it.

What made the difference, in my opinion, were the other people involved in the team. I know our team wasn’t a heavy hitter in the UAAP, but losing never felt ‘better’ with the people on my team. There were a lot of characters on the team. We were all very different, and yet we had a passion for the sport of baseball. And this collusion of people under one banner gave me a sense of pride for my school, and a sense of belongingness with my team.

The team tambayan was in SocSi, and a good number of us would hangout there in between classes, and even before and after practice. We would just play cards, crack jokes and talk about our prospects for the ongoing season. I think our team was pretty close. We went out a lot together. We had team parties and inuman sessions regularly. I find it very amusing to know that the current team still has the same ‘unity’ that we had way back when I was in first year. I still find myself being invited to their sessions every now and then.

Moving on, the UAAP Season 68 is now in full gear. Of course, the main attraction of the UAAP is Men’s Basketball, and it’s off to a furious start. I just find it frustrating that I can’t seem to find the time to go and watch the game live anymore due to work. But I do try to catch Ateneo’s games on TV whenever I can. The team looks good this year, although still a bit raw. Norman Black has an enormous weight on his shoulders. I hope he does well. I found it amusing to receive an email right after we lost to Lasalle. That was also the height of the rallies on Ayala, just down the street from my office. The message started off saying that they’ve had enough, and that it was time to resign. At the bottom of the message was the call: “Norman Black, resign!”

I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on something whenever I see Ateneo’s games on the tube. I do miss the roaring blue-blooded Ateneo crowd, our head turning cheerleaders, and yes, even the few foul-mouthed alumni (which I am now happily part of). I think anybody would agree that it’s really different when you watch UAAP live. You get so caught up in the drama, the excitement, and the hype. Swelling up with school spirit, you let hell loose verbally as you scream insults and taunts at the opposing team’s players (and fans as well). You feel every blow as the enemy sinks a trey, and you are roused to cheer harder when Ateneo scores on a dunk. During close games, everyone is on their feet: praying, cursing, shouting, cajoling, waiting for Ateneo to break out. When we win, everyone has their fist up, heartily singing to the tune of our alma mater song (which, incidentally enough, sounds like the Canadian national anthem). But what sets Ateneo apart is that even when we lose, we still hold up our heads, and fists, up high; proud not only of the team, but what they represent. Ateneo pride. And I believe, this is what’s meant by the line: “Win or lose, it’s the school we choose.” Even in baseball, when victories were as common as Jubilee years, we never felt that our school pride was diminished.

The last time I sang the alma mater song as a student was during my graduation. It was a very emotional moment. Admittedly, I had to hold back the tears as we sang our farewell to our second home. Sometime after the numbing experience of graduation, I really felt that I lost a part of me as I graduated. The fact that I am no longer a student did affect me somehow. Even now, as I cheer on Ateneo from the comfort of my self-styled LazyBoy, with a beer in my hand, the experience of being there, being a part of the raucous crowd, high-fiving Ateneans you’ve never seen before, hugging the cute girl beside him…all that still burns in my veins. But now there’s a certain detachment. It seems I have other things to think about these days. Oftentimes I find myself wishing I was back in school, but I know that there are others there to take my place in the crowd. Someone out there will be painting their faces blue, dancing like the Blue Babble on every cheer, and running like madmen on Katipunan after winning the championship. That’s why I don’t feel so bad. Even if I can’t act as a rabid Ateneo student, I can always act like a rabid Ateneo alumni. There’s always room for more. For all those who have watched an Ateneo game, I’m sure you would have had the experience of seeing a very vocal, emotional and half-crazy Ateneo alumni of about 40 sitting on Upper A screaming on every bad call. Let me assure you, that will be me one day. Hopefully, we would have won a few more championships by then. So at least I’ll have more to cheer about. Until the day that Rico Blanco’s take on “A Song for Mary” becomes the official alma mater version, I’ll never lose my Atenean school spirit. Ghet daht bohll!!!

“Win or lose, it’s the school we choose. This is the place where we belong.”

Personally...Philosophy

2005-07-24T11:15:00.000+08:00

This is a paper i wrote to synthesize the course Philosphy 101: Philosophy of Man, as part of the end of term requirements to complete the course. It may be a hard read, but for those brave enough, you may yet learn somthing of value. Written on October 7, 2003

"Personally...Philosophy"

The course title for Ateneo’s Philosophy 101 is aptly named ‘Philosophy of Man.’ In general, it attempts to give the student an insight into the workings and machinations of the nature of man, in relation to the central question, “What is Philosphy?” This journey will take one through the colorful history pf philosophy, giving the student a taste of the many flavors of understanding man. At the end of the course, one should have a deeper understanding of man through a deeper understanding of philosophy, and the integration of these two insights gives one the opportunity to manifest his humanity with clarity.

Yes, this may seem all and well, hearing it as if from an infomercial, or seeing it on a disclaimer for the Ateneo Philosophy Department. It does seem interesting; it may even seem to be something one may take lightly. The disclaimer on the previous paragraph sounds sweet and eloquent to the ear, and it may give one the false impression that Philosophy may be something sweet too. Therefore, one should be cautious about one’s approach to Philo 101, but unfortunately, this is a mistake of one to many, including myself.

Philosophy is in many ways different from the other classes I have taken so far. Somehow, the course actually calls me out, by name, and challenges my being. What I mean is, Philosophy makes me put myself into question, that I have been pressed to answer my most savage critic, myself. Even at the start of the course, I immediately felt that I had to defend myself, from the challenges and assertions of the many philosophers in history, even my own classmates. They all seemed to think so differently, such that I felt alone in stark contrast to their thoughts and ideas. Even now, I still catch myself questioning all the things that I have held close to my heart. Unfortunately, I was ill prepared to meet the oncoming rush of philosophical tools and weapons, projectiles and missiles, swords and axes. And their masters were the grizzled war makers, the philosophy teachers and philosophers before them, who have had centuries of accumulated battle experience against the weakling foe, the student. Faced with this reality, how could I survive my enigma?

With the little knowledge and experience I had under my belt, I felt as if I was forced to fight the fight I could not win. Lost in the frontlines, pitted against a blood lusting foe, with allies no greater than I, things were at its dimmest. I crawled and scrapped myself to meet the enemy, along with my allies. And when their steel met our wooden sticks, we were dismayed. Some did not survive. Some may yet not survive. The first conflict was harsh. And this was Philosophy 101, the Philosophy of Man.

Philosophy is not like any form of thought we perform on a regular basis. Rather, I see it as a tool that will be made of use once the purpose for this tool is known. For example, you give a palm pilot to a 50 year-old man who does not even know how to turn on a computer. This person would have no idea how to operate the palm, he may turn the thing on by chance, but how to make the damn thing work and understand it is what eludes him. And when this person learns the full usage of the palm pilot, think of the satisfaction he would have in mastering the object and using it for his benefit.

In my opinion, this is how Philosophy is for the likes of mere mortals like us. We all have the potency to think, analyze, relate things to one another and store this information, but oftentimes, we know not how to use these capabilities. Philosophy then would now be a sort of palm pilot, maybe even a computer operating system if you wish, that would organize all this information at make it available for the individual. The impact of Philosophy in man’s way of thinking cannot be diminished; its fruits are exactly that which we aspire everyday to achieve in our present times. It gives man the ability to sort through information in a clear manner, giving him insight and valuable teachings about himself and his relation to others. Just think of how Windows revolutionized computer systems since its invention. The world has been a better and easier place because of it. The same may be said about Philosophy.

Now, how in the world would any college student begin Philosophy? Similarly, how may one be taught the concept of Windows? It would start by asking what it is. What is Philosophy? What is Windows? But Philosophy departs from Windows now because of the fact that Philosophy is never the same with everyone. It is like asking ‘what is happiness,’ we all know it is different for each person. This is because there are a lot different things that affect any individual, and it is precisely this fact that points to where the question may begin, that which affects us specifically, our own personal experiences.

A person is the sum of his experiences, as a past teacher of mine used to say. Meaning, we are different from each other and are defined by our experiences. Then it would be easy to identify that our belief system would be a reflection of these experiences. The word reflection has a deeper meaning in our Philosophical context. Although reflection is just the simple task of ‘thinking’ of our past experiences (and the experiences of others as well), we should not overlook its importance in our process of philosophizing. An experience would be felt and viewed differently from time to time. It appears as if each experience has an almost indefinite number of ways in expressing and communicating them. Perfect examples would be the classics in Literature. Even through the ages, these classics continue to inspire many people as these texts are interpreted over and over again, in each individual’s specific time and culture, in each individual’s unique personal experiences. That is why they are classics: they are timeless.

When we reflect, in a sense, we are actually redefining ourselves, in our thoughts and beliefs, and even by the way we act. One must understand that Philosophy is not merely an ideology, but also a form of praxis. Being true to yourself means that you practice what you preach, as many would say. This is philosophically sound because our actions (experiences) affect our thoughts, and in the same way, our thoughts affect our actions. This never-ending process continually affects both our thoughts and our actions, so our reflections become turning points in our lives. And therefore, reflection must entail more seriousness on the part of the individual, for these reflections are the sources of important insights, of truth.

As mentioned earlier, students are so resistant to Philosophy because they cannot seem to identify Philosophy with themselves. Now with a more meaningful understanding of reflection in context with how it affects us, we begin to understand that we are doing Philosophy everyday of our lives, just by reflecting. ‘Learning from our mistakes’ is a line that often describes the trial-and-error process of any person’s life. Learning in itself would require the reflection from these mistakes. And therefore, it would be easy to identify now that Philosophy is truly part of our everyday lives.

The next conflict I had faced would be the understanding of being and Being. Simply put, Being is the act of existing, or the verb, and being would then be the noun or that thing that exist. This simple understanding gave me an easier time in understanding the meaning of ‘All being is in Being.’ In my opinion, this says that all of existence (being) is found to be in unity because they all must be doing the act of being (Being). This is what had most astonished even the most learned people of the ancient times, the Greeks. They found it totally amazing that in the level of existence, all things are equal and united with each other because they all exist through Being. The stone, the plant, the animal and the man, all do take part in this Primary Act. It is actually silly to think that just because we are alive and well means that we are more ‘in existence’ than the stone. The fact that both the stone and the man manifest themselves as we see now means that on the existential level, both are in Being, and thus united.

Understanding being on the level of humanity takes a different flavor. When we talk about man, we talk about two important ideas, the body, and the spirit or soul. The nature of man and his relation to both body and soul have been heated points of debate for millennia. It has been agreed that a man has both body and spirit, but the relation of both to each other have to main proponents, and may be summed up into two statements: I have my body. I am my body. Though as first, the may be similar, we should not be confused by their seemingly similar meanings. I was aware of this, but could not unlock its mystery. After some reflection, I decided to analyze the problem by using Latin, to describe them, as I had learned Latin for four years in my highschool.

In Latin, the former, ‘I have my body,’ would be translated as: (Ego) habeo meum corpum. Similarly, ‘I am my body’ will be: (Ego) sum meus corpus. Looking at both statements, the two main differences that one may easily see are the difference in verbs (habeo vs. sum) and the difference in declension (the enclitic –um vs. the enclitic –us). Ego is “I” in English, and is in parenthesis because it is already be expressed just by the verb in its conjugation. Habeo is ‘have’ in English, and is easily identified as a verb of possession. What does it possess? It possesses the word corpum, which is of the original word corpus, or ‘body.’ The enclitic –um is only used for nouns that are expressed as direct objects, and this is called the accusative case. Likewise, meus is also in the form of muem since it describes corpum, and also in the accusative case. As such, we see that there is possession taking place, that the ‘I’ is in possession of the ‘body.’ Extrapolating from this idea, I began to see that since the ‘I’ is possessing the body, they are both not the same thing. The ‘I’ exists alone from the body, and the body exists apart from the ‘I.’ If we equate ‘I’ to the spirit, we can say that the spirit is a separate entity from the body. This is one proponent of the belief of man’s nature.

On the other hand, the word sum is the linking verb ‘is’ in English. As such, the word corpus would then be a complementary noun that necessarily follows after the linking verb in the predicate. But take note of the word corpus, it takes the form of the nominative case from its enclitic –us, and so does the word meus. The nominative is normally used for words that are expressed as the subject of any sentence. But how may that be, since ‘body’ is in the predicate of the sentence? As taken from my understanding of grammar, the linking verb serves as a bridge that connects both subject and predicate, that they both share a certain reality. When we say ’something is something,’ are we not saying that the two things are the same thing, although probably expressed in different ways? This simple yet profound idea leads to the other proponent of human nature, that the human being is the unity between body and spirit. With our analysis in Latin, we can see that the word ‘I,’ as expressed in the verb sum, is actually complementary to ‘body’, that they share a certain reality, that yes, they refer to the same thing. These are seemingly two different ideas expressed as one when we use the word “human being.”

Now we may establish that there is unity between body in spirit, as it is the nature of man. The word unity takes on a more profound role than as previously mentioned, because this unity would mean that for man to exist, it necessitates the union of both body and soul to express the human being. This intrinsic unity justifies that they really do need each other in order to express the existence of the being that they represent. Thinking about it, our language may be partly at fault because the human spirit and human body must be expressed in two terms. Now what does this intrinsic unity imply? In my opinion, the body, as a physical representation of our existence, is a reflection of the spirit. They both share the same existence; therefore they share the same experiences. But we all seem to forget this with the way we treat our bodies. Most of the time, we treat them as if they were two different realities. We always hear the line “the soul is willing, but the body is weak,” and vice versa. This represents the disparity on how we view our bodies to our own existence. Especially in during the days of our youth, we feel as if we were invincible, that our bodies are strong, that even if the body is weak, our spirit will pull us through. This leads us to pushing our bodies to its limits, often abusing them. Smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, poor sleeping habits, and even poor hygiene are the most common examples of this paradigm. And bitterly, the effects of these misuses will only catch up on us in our later years, when the “spirit is willing but the body is weak.” So therefore, we must treat our bodies with care, and our souls as well.

Just as Philosophy is also praxis, being human is not just having its nature, but also in practicing it. What makes us truly human is the fact that we can communicate and relate to others, not only in the present, but in the past and future as well. We are all connected to each other, and this may be a simple description of historicity. But what makes us all connected are the things that we do to contribute to human experience. Personal human experience is what makes us unique, but what completes us as human would be the integration of other’s experiences as well. We do not just learn from our experiences, but also through those who have gone before us. Their work have contributed to the world we live in today, and those before them, and those even further down history lane. And in the great road of human history, we are products of those before us, such that we enjoy the fruits of their labor so we may live accordingly with those in our time, but apart from this, we should also contribute to the well-being of those coming after us in hope that they will value the contributions of the past, and make a further contribution to those proceeding them. It is like a chain, each generation is linked to the next, and the chain will only be complete if each generation is linked with the past and future. But the strength of this chain is the strength of its weakest link, and there is danger of things falling apart and having undesirable things come to pass if we do not contribute meaningful works in the human chain of history.

But the secret ingredient that binds all together is love, the love for the past, the love for the future, the love for our neighbor, the love for ourselves, consequently, the love for harmony. And this love must not be a passive contribution, but rather an active one, and should translate into yearning, just as the Greeks believed in their time with the idea of Eros. Love should be an active one, a yearning, a desiring love, and as mentioned time and again, praxis. We have to continually strive not just for ourselves, but for others as well, just as others have done so before us, and will do after us. This is what being human is, taking part in the whole of humanity by contributing meaningful acts, motivated through love; being in union with the rest of humanity.

And so finally, we come back to where we started: “What is Philosophy?” I found it rather amusing that the central subject of Philosophy is being, because if some letters are repositioned in that word, you would come up with a completely different one, but with profound importance as well, that is begin. Taking this into context, Philosophy is not just the study of man, but also his beginnings. We are nothing had those long gone had not begun it. The knowledge of the past will give us direction of the future. And in this new light, I found acceptance for Philosophy. It is a human tradition that has been passed generation to generation, like the chain. And like the word being, we must begin to continue this tradition in hopes of contributing something good, and passing on this timeless human tradition to the next, and so on forth. This gives depth and clarity to our understandings of the past and the direction of the future, so that we may act rightly in the present.

And with this appreciation comes a different view of the merciless slave drives that we know as the philosophers of the past. They are the ones who learned to use a palm pilot without a manual. They are the bastions of humanity, continuously contributing great wealth to the human cause. The same may be said as well for our teachers, who are disciples of such a noble order. In all things there is hope, and I hope that I may be what I am meant to be, for it is my obligation to humanity. And I hope to contribute as much meaning as those mentioned who have gone before me, personally…philosophy.

This is where it all began

2005-06-30T07:33:00.000+08:00

We all grew up watching movies like American Pie 2, Reality Bites, Kicking and Screaming, Animal House, etc. These were all movies set around a bunch a of college kids partying hard while facing the shocking reality of adulthood. Of course the venue for these fictional situations were college dorms, apartments and condos. When I was in highschool, I couldn't wait to bust out into college, get a pad, and get the party started! True enough, my dreams (if you could call it as such) did materialize. But it wasn't always like that. In fact, I spent a little more than a semester traversing the traffic-filled route between Ateneo and Alabang everyday. Oftentimes, I spent an average of 4 hours on the road everyday going to and from Katipunan. The riding was hard, and the driving even harder. Most of us weren't familiar driving so far north. Before then, the farthest I had driven to was Greenhills! We had to contend with traffic at its worst. The Skyway had yet to open, there were no E-Pass lanes, and potholes had never been so big.

As a newly registered freshman, I was invited to join the Alabang carpool by some older friends from Ateneo. I remembered, there was this orientation/meeting in someone's house where all the newbies attended to get the lowdown on everything about carpool. We had to submit our schedules and other information, such as if you were bringing a van or if you had a driver. When school started, riding the carpool for me was like the unofficial ORSEM. I got to talk to a lot off people from the higher batches. They would tell me about their war stories in and around campus, which teachers to get and to avoid, and things to do and places to go in and around Katipunan. I probably learned more here about getting started out in Ateneo than what was being taught in the ORSEM. (which was a totally boring experience)

In general, my trips were fun. In most trips, I was with other freshmen, most of which I knew from highschool, so things were all good. As the weeks went on, you would start to have regular set of people per trip, and we all got to know each other a bit more. I had a different group of carpool people each day, each as interesting and as different as the others. Conversations would range from relationship problems and the latest crush, to bitching out on a prof or some irritating guy in your class. I remember one of the more absurd conversations I had in carpool went along the lines of a single proposition: "Ano pipiliin mo? Isang shot ng uhog, o isang shot ng nana?" Absurd, yet strangely interesting.

Of course, being associated with such a big group of people (we numbered around 60-70 at that time), one could not escape having carpool crushes. Of course I had a few, and there was always a possibility that you could get stuck in traffic with anyone of them. Well, there were a couple of carpool romances during my time, and i guess you could have counted me in. It was through carpool that my last relationship blossomed. Oh boy, how I counted my blessings then.

You could also not escape having dreaded riders in carpool. In some cases, you wouldn't want to be stuck with some heinous bitch or asshole, or worse...a major dorko or a chismosa. Bitches and assholes you could always deal with by just not minding them, letting them wallow in their own filth and pride, but dorkos are rare gems. I remember this guy in carpool who was always avoided. People said that that he was such a relentless geek, and that he had the ability to skin you alive with the most uninteresting conversations. During trips where he would bring a car, it was always near empty. There was this one time I had to hitch a ride home since I was off early, and he brought the only car for that trip. I remember feeling one emotion as I got dropped off at my stop: regret. I swear, I had never met somebody who could talk so much about nothing. (that, by the way, is an unmistakeable trait of an Atenean) He was a nightmare. During the trip, I felt like wrapping myself with a blanket in a fetal position and call out for my mother. It's a good thing I got off first. I pity the other rider who had to endure a few more minutes with him. I'm sure he was flayed to the bone.

It also really sucked to be stuck with a group of chismosas during your trips. Man, did I hate being with these self-absorbed people. They just talk about this guy, or that girl, so on and so forth, and to think topics would usually be about other people in carpool. Conversations with them were terribly unbearable, since if they didn't talk about how bad someone else was, they would talk about how great they were, or how nice their lastest cellphone was, or something to that effect. Everything that had to do with them was so plastic. Sometimes, you would wish that they were all locked in a car while you had in your hand a grenade with the pin off.

In general, these people were the exception rather than the rule. I met a lot of cool, steady and interesting people in carpool, and many of them are my good friends now. Although I had been in carpool for just about a sem before I moved into Burgundy, I thoroughly enjoyed the trips and the company. It was great as a freshman, you got to know a lot of other people you normally wouldn't have had the chance to meet. And since was we all came from the south, the carpool was a spot of familiarity in contrast to the vastness of Ateneo. I heard that the carpool now reaches almost a hundred, and I bet it's all good. In the end though, I just couldn't handle the commute each day. I joined the baseball team, and we had practices MWF both in the morning and afternoon, so I had to come in around 6am in the mornings and get off practices at 6pm. So I had to find a place near Ateneo, and i'll get to that next.

Old friends, old memories

2005-06-27T07:21:00.000+08:00

Just last week, i met up with some college buddies whom i haven't seen in quite a while. Chach was in town for a few weeks; she's been studying medicine in the US for about a year. We were meeting up with another friend, Shauna with whom I have been incommunicado since she changed her digits (again). My old roommate Anton rounded out our foursome, himself just arriving from a month long vacation in the US as well.

We all met up at the Museum Cafe right beside the Ayala Museum. Chach and Shauna had a few drinks before we went to look for a place to eat. The original plan was to eat in Chicken Bacolod, to reminisce the old Katipunan days, but I told them that it was already closed by the time we decided to move. So we ended up eating in Recipies in Greenbelt 3. After dinner, my friends wanted to see my new place in Makati, so I brought them to my condo and chilled for a while there. Since we all wanted to have a drink, we started looking for a place to go. Chach suggested Sa Guijo, a hole-in-the-wall rock joint in the lesser-known-albeit-more-dangerous part of Makati. And so we went. The place was OK, it was just like a small two storey house that was converted into a bar on the first floor, and a hobby shop on the second. The bands that night were good, but not particularly awesome.

After a few beers and tequila roses, Anton and I brought the girls home. They both lived in Katipunan. Anton and I used to live there for 3 and a half years while we were going to Ateneo, and it felt a little more than nostalgic being there after so long. Shauna also lived in the same building we stayed in, the ever famous monument of college sex, drugs, alcohol and rock n' roll: One Burgundy Plaza. My whole college life can be summed up to what I call the "Burgz" experience. I'll get into that next time. But I have to admit, standing in front of Burgundy at 2 in the morning brought back a lot of memories. Damn, I think I still have separation issues with that place.

If I may regress, Chach is actually the girlfriend of my good buddy Jay-R, but we usually refer to him as JRBhoy, JRBohoy, J-Dawg, Dominic "The Dominator" Ochoa or JayR "Design 4 Love" Torio. They've been together for some time now, and after graduating from Ateneo they both moved back to Dallas, Texas.

Anyway, I met Jay in highschool, but we only hungout in college. We were both teammates in the Ateneo Baseball Team, and we were neighbors in Burgz as well. I even stayed in his place for a few months while I floated when I moved units in the building. I was actually the one who found him a roommate, my highschool classmate Mihk. They lived in Unit 16-O. I stayed in 12-H for the 1st year and a half, then transferred to 10-D for the last two years.

Anton was my roommate all through out my stay at Burgz. We actually lived just a house away from each other back and Alabang, we were classmates in Southridge since Prep, and we have been good friends even when we were still in diapers (I have pictures of that). This guy is literally my brother from another mother. Eversince we moved out of Burgz, I hardly saw Anton anymore. He had to take an extra year of school while I worked, so we never really had a chance to hangout. So our gimmik last Thursday was one of the few times we actually went out again after college.

On the other hand, the way we met Shauna was curiously funny. She studied in Miriam, but we were in the same batch. When we started living in Burgz around November of 2000, we always used to see this platinum blonde haired girl in a Miriam uniform walking along Katipunan. We were more than pleasantly surprised to find out that she was actually living one floor below us at that time (we were in 12-H, she was in 11-Q). It was during the Edsa II days (that's another story) that my other roommate Stef decided to just go to her place and invite her to drink with us. And to our surpise, she agreed! Maybe it was the fact that she was Fil-Brit and that she had just moved here from Malaysia that made her more open to invitations like that because honestly, I think there's less than a 1 out of 10 chance that someone born and bred here would actually agree to that. Hell, most of the women I know lack any spontenaity. Anyway, she started to hang out with us eversince then. At one point, she used to come by my place everyday after school for about a sem. Anton was on LOA then for the whole semester since he went to Japan. So Shauna replaced him for a while as the 4th roommie of 12-H.

Anyway, being with some of the people that I identify with the best and worst times of my college life, I started to reminisce the good old "Burgz" days. Burgz isn't just a place, a building, or even just a name. Rather, it is an ideology. It is the agreggate of the spirits of the Keng, the Boogerz, the Rock and the Roll, the Drunken Master, the Pukefest, the doobie days, the Blue Ven nights, the Michael Learns to Rock, the TC7, the uncleaned rice cooker when white rice turned to red, the Depression Days, the Mustang nights, the Takuza 2000, the God of Gamblers, the gambling nights, the Godfather, the Scarface, the K.O moment, the Hungry Hippo, the Siomai double rice, the Dannylicious, the Edsa II, the 12H and 11Q drink, the Moo-man, the Wedding Singer, the clogged toilet, the NT, the LBNSU, the MPNC, the PNC, the PPNC, the DKNY, the CBLMF, the PPA...etc. There are just too many soucres of inspiration to mention. But taken as a whole, Burgz is a lifestyle where you walk the walk and talk the talk.

In my next few post, i'm going to set in stone the many yet equally important defining moments during the Burgz days. To be continued.

Ho Hum Days

2005-06-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

The days continue to pass just like the whiz of trees on a trip to baguio. I seem to skip entire days, even weeks, when i give conscious thought on how i spent my time. It's Father's Day today, but i haven't greeted my dad yet. I just don't feel like it. *sigh* I think the crux of the matter is that my actions have lost any true value for me. Everything is routinary. I live in a drone-like stasis of working, watching tv and sleeping. Although I make it a point to get a few laughs with my officemates, sometimes, i feel like i'm just kidding myself. It's just a good thing i don't let my personal life get in the way of work.

Speaking of my personal life, i think my break up with Ria has affected me more than i thought. Deconstructed, break-ups are hard because you feel a sense of loss against a feeling of security. Security that someone would be with you to watch movies, have dinner, text you when your bored, and bring you medicine when your sick, etc. Putting all these things together creates an even bigger sense of loss; and in this case, the sum is greater than its parts. The resulting snowball effect brings you down with increasing momentum. The question is, when will it stop? I believe no one can truly put a timetable on the recovery from such an episode, but all pundits would agree that time heals all wounds. I guess the only thing i could do is be patient.

For the past weekend, I have been busy downloading songs through Limewire. It's only now that i began to appreciate DSL. You see, my brother had DSL connected to his own computer so that he could play Ragnarok and other online games all day everyday. I think he's so addicted to it, he's starting to think that online gaming is reality, whereas real life is just a necessary advertisement for his next new adventure. Anyway, my dad upgraded the common computer, and we bought a wifi kit so that would tap in into my bro's DSL connection and enable the other comp to be online at DSL speed as well. But unfortunately, this happened as I was moving out of my house. Since i had no real plans this weekend, i have been stuck on the computer pirating songs and exploring Stalkster...er, Friendster. Downloading songs with DSL is as quick as you could say, "Pirate!' Oh, and i've been writing testimonials all weekend to people that i forgot to write to. Wow, what a great way to spend my weekend.

Ho Hum...

Depression Hits

2005-06-13T14:52:00.000+08:00

It's Monday, June 13, a holiday. The sky is dark gray, the smell of wet grass fills the air, and yet not a single drop of rain has fallen. It seems that today my physical and metaphysical planes have intersected, giving me an unbelievable case of depression hits. I'm a bit hungover from an all-nighter just a while ago...had less than 3 hours of sleep, waking up to watch Detroit lose Game 2. No one was around the house earlier, my only company was Spitter, my faithful dog. It was about 10:30am already, and it was getting quite hot outside. I was already sweating profusely while watching the tele, but just felt too weak to take grab a glass of agua, much more take a bath. Well, I was tired as hell, lacking sleep, and a bit naseous.

Try as i might, i could not shake off the truth that i have work tomorrow. Damn, i'm beginning to hate work. Well not specifically my work, but just working in general. It's like I hit a motivational snag. My officemate put it best when he said that we might be suffering a quarter life crisis. My friend Chum said the same thing last night. Hey, maybe i really am having a quarter life crisis? My ex and i broke up about 2 months ago. That may be an underlying factor in all this. Generally though, my enthusiasm level has been on very very low batt since mid summer. People who know me would probably not believe that since i project an image of spontaneity. But I honestly feel chaffed and raw at the moment. Maybe the grind of life has been catching up with me. In Takeshi's Castle, sooner or later, someone's gonna get trampled by the large rolling styroballs of death. Maybe that's me, this time..

I need a vacation. I need some inspiration. I need some kind of motivation.